March 11, 2024

Bismillahi-r-Rahmani-r-Rahim - In the name of Allah, the Most Merciful, the Bestower of Mercy. I woke up this morning in anticipation of what the day was going to bring with it; wondering what was going to inspire the first reflection of this year’s 30 Reflective Days. I got ready, got in the car and set off to work. On my drive, I recited my morning du’a and adhkar (supplication and remembrance) as I always do but behind my audible voice was a quieter inner voice that kept repeating, “Ya Allah my day is Yours, inspire me.” I made it to work, rushing to my early morning meeting, then to another meeting and eventually getting wrapped up in my day’s work.

Every Ramadan, I try my best to not only complete my personal khatam of the Qur’an (a cover to cover recitation of the Qur’an) but also take part in group khatam that takes place in the different sisterhood spaces that I am a part of. So this Ramadan was no different. I had a scheduled zoom meeting in the afternoon for one of the group khatam to recite the 2nd Juz (section/part) of the Qur’an. As the time for the meeting inched closer, I worried about not being able to make it to read my assigned pages, because I had another work meeting that overlapped this one. I contemplated texting the group to let them know I may not be able to make it but something stopped me. As Allah, Al Karim (The Most Generous) would have it, my work meeting lasted only about 15 minutes. SubhanAllah, Allah had written for me to be the one to recite these specific pages because in it was a message for me to receive.

I couldn’t find an available conference room so I headed out to my car to join the zoom call. It was finally my turn and I began to recite. As I made it to the last few ayats (verses) of my last page, suddenly a lump began to form in my throat and before I realized, I was crying as I recited the last ayah of my last page. My tears filled my eyes so much so that I could no longer see the page I was reading. I paused to wipe my tears and continued to read but I failed again to hold back my tears completely. I recited the remaining part of the ayah in tears until the end. I was taken aback by what had just happened so I sent a message in the group chat apologizing for the sudden burst of emotions. Immediately after I sent the message, my teacher responds and in exactly these words:

“May Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala (Allah, the Most Glorified, the Most High) grant you and your loved ones hajj and umrah mabrur (excellent and accepted), Amin.”

My eyes widened in shock upon reading her message. I quickly said Amin both out loud and in response to her message. I wondered what could have prompted her to make such a specific du’a for me. That was when the thought crossed my mind to go back and read the meaning of the last ayah I had recited that had brought me to tears. And subhanAllah it was an ayah about hajj and umrah [Qur’an 2:196]. I broke down again after reading the meaning of the ayah. My tears, her du’a and the thought of Allah speaking to me through this ayah - it all made sense. This was such a significant moment for me because for as long as I could remember, my mother has always longed for a pilgrimage to the house of Allah. In the last 2 or 3 years, Allah placed in my heart the longing to visit His house. And in the last year, the longing for hajj and umrah increasingly intensified in the hearts of my mother, my sister and myself. And I made du’a ever since for Allah to invite me soon.

Just yesterday, I was in the kitchen putting away some groceries. Mama walked in and asked about what I had bought. Then suddenly, she moved closer to me and all of a sudden, she says “we’re going to hajj this year.” I chuckled astonished by the confidence in her statement. So I asked her “what makes you say this? What do you know that I don’t?” To which she responds, “just make the intention. it is not beyond Allah.” And rightfully so, I said “Amin, may Allah write us down for hajj this year” - completely unbeknownst to me what Allah had in store for me the following day.

I don’t know but Allah knows because He is Al- ‘Alim (The All-Knowing). Perhaps this ayah, my tears as I recited it, is a sign from Allah of an acceptance to mine and my family’s du’a, of an invitation soon to His house. Allah says in a hadith Qudsi “ I am as my servant thinks I am” (Hadith 15, 40 Hadith Qudsi). So I choose to believe that Allah, Al-Wahhab (The Giver and Bestower of Gifts) in His generosity, in His mercy allowed me to recite this ayah today as a gift. It is no coincidence that it is also in this Juz, in the last ayah before the pages I recited today that Allah says,

“When My servants ask you ˹O Prophet˺ about Me: I am truly near. I respond to one’s prayer when they call upon Me. So let them respond ˹with obedience˺ to Me and believe in Me, perhaps they will be guided ˹to the Right Way˺. [Qur’an 2:186]

Today, I felt Him near and I choose to believe that this ayah is His response to my du’a and my longing. Perhaps this is my first ramadan miracle. I pray it is so. And I pray Allah grant us all multiple excellent and accepted hajj and umrah. Allahumma Amin.

With Love, Ibtisam