March 23, 2024

My heart is so full today after another beautiful session of TVA Institute’s Ramadan Intensive course with Ustadha Sukina Noor. May Allah increase and preserve our teachers. As someone who has always found writing to be a solace and a safe haven, each year I look forward to Ramadan Intensive and especially the sessions with Ustadha Sukina Noor. Her sessions always leave my heart open and more in love with Allah than I already was. Sitting through her class and writing with the guidance of the prompts she provides us always opens a safe and honest space for me to be intimate with Allah. And as always, today was no different.

My reflection today is to share with you what I wrote in response to the prompt Here I am, in an attempt to call onto Allah with a longing heart and a heart seeking Him. I pray may it be of benefit to you and may Allah reward Auntie Angelica Lindsay-Ali and Ustadha Sukina for their himma towards bringing us closer to Allah. And I pray may Allah acept from me and purify my intentions and increase me in sincerity. Allahumma Amin.

Here I am Ya Rabb, Ya Rahman, wallowing in uncertain waters, seeking clarity, seeking solace and grounding in Your mercy.

Here I am Ya Waliyy with a heart desperate for Your closeness, desperate for an intimacy with You.

The kind of intimacy with which my eyes see with You, my tongue speaks with You, my limbs act for Your sake and my heart basks in Your comfort, in Your Peace and tranquility and in Your Love.

Here I am Ya Alim, Ya Khabir, Ya Hadi - The All-Knowing, All-Aware, The Ultimate Guide; with my tongue twisted unable to find the right words to call upon You. My heart is haphazardly filled with worries, with cries, with lament, with love and with yearning for You but without the words to weave them into wholeness nor to present them.

Alhamdulillah for Your Knowing of what is in the heart. Guide my tongue to call on You with Your Beautiful Names and Attributes and to find solace in Your Remembrance.

With Love, Ibtisam