March 24, 2024

Ramadan has reached its middle point SubhanAllah. It is the time when many of us myself included start to feel the midpoint slump. It feels like I’m behind and not pulling my weight as I had intended. It is especially hard as a woman, trying to get back into the flow of things after our cycle days. Coincidentally for me, I’m also approaching the midpoint in my Qur’an journey in my khatam with my teacher. And SubhanAllah, it feels like climbing a mountain at an incline. I found myself feeling sad and honestly a bit frustrated with myself for stumbling when I am getting close to the midpoint. I guess, consciously or unconsciously, I had thought it would get easier once I get to the midpoint.

SubhanAllah in my khatam, group today as we recited Juz 14 and 15, Allah gifted me ayats that spoke to how I was feeling with regard to my midpoint slump. May Allah reward all of the gatherings that remind us of Him, and the sisterhoods and communities that bring us closer to Him. Alhamdulillah! Allah is Al-‘Alim and He knows what’s best for me and I am pleased with His decree. It seems to be that the theme for my Ramadan this year and the understanding He ﷻ wants me to have is that He knows what I do not. Alhamdulillah for the favors of Allah upon us. The first ayats that Allah gifted me in this moment were from Surah Al-Isra - ayats 105 and 106.

“We have sent down the Quran in truth, and with the truth it has come down. We have sent you ˹O Prophet˺ only as a deliverer of good news and a warner.” [17:105]

“˹It is˺ a Quran We have revealed in stages so that you may recite it to people at a deliberate pace. And We have sent it down in successive revelations.” [17:106]

Allah is Ar-Rahman (The Most Merciful), reminding me of the fact that the Qur’an is a journey. It is a Qur’an revealed to the messenger ﷺ in stages and Allah tells him to recite it to people at a deliberate pace. It’s revelation was in succession, following an order. If the messenger ﷺ received it in stages and not all at once, who was I then to think that I would get it all at once. That it was okay for me to stumble, for the Qur’an to reveal itself to me at a deliberate pace. Perhaps, in this portion of the Qur’an is a blessing Allah has prepared for me. Instead of feeling sad and frustrated, maybe what I need is to embrace it, seek the messages within it, seek the Rahma (Mercy) and the baraka (blessings). Afterall, Allah does say that this Qur’an was not revealed to cause us distress [Qur’an 20:2]. May Allah continue to comfort me with His words and may he ease the path of the Qur’an for me.

We continued to recite and the next ayah that Allah gifted me was in Surah Al-Kahf - ayah 30 speaking to how I was feeling with regards to Ramadan reaching the midpoint and feeling like I wasn’t doing enough or pulling my weight. Allah says:

“As for those who believe and do good, We certainly never deny the reward of those who are best in deeds.” [18:30]

This ayah reminded me of the ayah in Surah Al-Baqarah where Allah tells us that He would never discount our faith and our efforts [2:143]. In this ayah it felt like Allah was saying to me that no matter what, keep going. That however much portion of Qur’an, however many acts of Ibadah (worship) I was able to put forth at this midpoint, the rewards for them will never be denied. No matter how “small” they may seem to me. The messenger ﷺ did tell us that the most beloved acts to Allah are those that are consistent even if they were small [Sahih al-Bukhari 6464]. So whatever it is I’m able to forth now, I’m going to hold onto it and give it my best while still striving to do more, for Allah certainly nevr denies the reward of those who are best in deeds. Alhamdulillah for the Mercy and Grace of Allah. May we always be among those who receive His Mercy.

We continued to read and the ayah that in a way brought it all together for me and tied a bow on it was ayah 54 of Surah Al-Kahf where Allah says,

“We have surely set forth in this Quran every ˹kind of˺ lesson for people, but humankind is the most argumentative of all beings.” [18:54]

SubhanAllah, it was as if Allah was saying, here this is your lesson for today in this Juz. My tajwid teacher gave us a task this semester - she encouraged us to try to come to the Qur’an with our situation, with our emotions and whatever we were feeling in the moment when we were coming to the Qur’an to fulfill our portion of the day or week. She said come to the Qur’an with the intention of finding within the pages you read, ayats that speak to how you are feeling in that moment and you’ll be surprised to see what Allah reveals to you. And SubhanAllah, ever since I started doing that, without fail, no matter what page(s) I was reciting, I always found an ayah or two or more that were so perfectly fit for how I was feeling in the moment. Allahu Akbar! May Allah bless and preserve my teachers and accept from them with great acceptance. Sadaqa’LLahul Adhim (Allah Almighty has spoken the truth) because truly within the Qur’an is every kind of lesson for us. May Allah make the Qur’an a guide for us and make us among those who hear, recite and act upon his words. And may Allah continue to choose us for the Qur’an, place its love in our hearts. May Allah make the Qur’an the spring of our chest, the light of our hearts and the reliever of our sadness and anxiety. And may Allah ease the path to the Qur’an for us. Allahumma Amin.

With Love, Ibtisam