March 15, 2024

I think I speak for a lot of us when I say that this Ramadan is certainly different from the many Ramadans we have experienced in the past. This Ramadan feels melancholic for a lot of us. If for nothing at all, the last 5 months have completely altered our world view as we have become witnesses to ongoing genocide, oppression, exploitation and starvation of our brothers and sisters in Palestine, Sudan, Congo, Yemen and many many more countries unfortunately. May Allah grant relief to our brothers and sisters.

This Ramadan for me feels heavy in both a somber and epiphanic sense. I find myself feeling smaller, weaker and helpless in the grand scheme of things, recognizing my utmost need of Allah. In my recognition of my own lack of control, my burdens, my worries and my fears become less catastrophic than they appear to be when my attachment is to this dunya (world) and my strength is in my own human ability. After all Allah does say in the Qur’an:

“And it is Allah’s Will to lighten your burdens, for humankind was created weak.” [4:28]

Now more than ever I am in desperate need of intimacy with Allah and intimacy with the Qur’an. It would be foolish of me to not crave closeness with Allah after witnessing the people of Palestine and their unrelenting faith. Their unyielding faith in the face of oppression, in the face of the most egregious violations of their humanity and dignity, is enough of an ayah for me.

I was having a conversation with one of my sisters about how heavy this Ramadan has been feeling for me. What has been mind blowing for me is that only and already 4 or 5 days in, I find myself noticing things and making connections with the Qur’an that I haven’t made before in the past. It just feels like it is all just falling into my lap. For someone whose in my head a lot, it can get very overwhelming when I find it difficult to shut my brain off, and this is where journaling and writing come in as a solace and a safe haven for me. And right now, what I’m experiencing of this Ramadan is almost like a miracle. My mind is just constantly racing with thoughts and when I’ll go to recite the Qur’an, there and then will be an ayah that makes sense of everything, SubhanAllah!

This Ramadan feels heavy and it feels heavy in an unusual juxstaposition of emotions. I find myself in this catatonic state of anger, rage, frustration, confusion and grief but also deeper meaning and purposefulness, faith and detachment from this world and myself even. But Alhamdulillah that in my sincere desperation, Allah is coming to my aid through the Qur’an. I was thinking about this year’s 30 Reflective Days, and I already foresee each one being a reflection on the ways in which Allah is speaking to me through the Qur’an. And if it turns out that way, then there’s nothing more I could ask for, because it would mean that Allah responded to me, His servant, flawed as I am coming to Him with my meager deeds and qualities. That He heard my plea as I raised my hands calling on to Him above the 7 heavens to grant me intimacy with Him and to make the Qur’an an intimate conversation between Him and I. And so He did because for Allah all it take, is for Him to say “كُن فَيَكُونُ” - “Be and It is!”

So in that breath I leave you with a few ayats that spoke to me today in Surah Yunus [10:60-67]

“What do those who fabricate lies against Allah expect on Judgment Day? Surely Allah is ever Bountiful to humanity, but most of them are ungrateful.”

“There is no activity you may be engaged in ˹O Prophet˺ or portion of the Quran you may be reciting, nor any deed you ˹all˺ may be doing except that We are a Witness over you while doing it. Not ˹even˺ an atom’s weight is hidden from your Lord on earth or in heaven; nor anything smaller or larger than that, but is ˹written˺ in a perfect Record.”

“There will certainly be no fear for the close servants of Allah, nor will they grieve.”

“˹They are˺ those who are faithful and are mindful ˹of Him˺.”

“For them is good news in this worldly life and the Hereafter. There is no change in the promise of Allah. That is ˹truly˺ the ultimate triumph.”

“Do not let their words grieve you ˹O Prophet˺. Surely all honour and power belongs to Allah. He is the All-Hearing, All-Knowing.”

“Certainly to Allah ˹alone˺ belong all those in the heavens and all those on the earth. And what do those who associate others with Allah really follow? They follow nothing but assumptions and do nothing but lie.”

“He is the One Who has made the night for you to rest in and the day bright. Surely in this are signs for people who listen.”

In these ayats were a consolation, comfort, hope and reassurance for the messenger ﷺ , for me, for you, for us, and for our brothers and sisters around the world. Ya Allah Ya Rahman, I ask You to make me among Your closest servants for whom there is no fear or grief, make me faithful and mindful of You Ya Rabb. Ya Karim, I ask You to be a witness over my sincere efforts in my ibadat, in my recitation of the Qur’an and in all my deeds, flawed and meager as they may be, that You write them for me in a perfect record and by Your Mercy purify them and increase them on Your scales.

Ya Allah Ya Rahman, I ask You to grant ease to our siblings in Palestine, in Sudan, in Congo, in Yemen and in every corner of the earth, in the east and in the west; in the north and in the south. Ya Jabbar grant them victory over their oppressors, restore honor to their lands and dignity to their humanity. And Ya Rabb, You are Al-Adhim, Al-Adl - The Almighty, The Just, show Your might to the oppressors in this world and in the next and grant justice to the oppressed. I call upon You Ya Rabb with all of Your beautiful and majestic names. Allahumma Amin Ya Rabb.

With Love, Ibtisam