March 16, 2024

It is so easy to feel dejected when we are going through hardships in life. There have been times when I have been so overwhelmed with my worries, my pain and my hurt that I can’t seem to find the right words to speak to Allah. So many times in prayer where all I am able to bring myself to so is sob because my tongue has failed to put together the perfect words with which to call upon Him. And then there are times when I’ve felt that I haven’t been doing enough in my worship to deserve His Mercy. In time, I have come to realize that this was just shaytan’s way of distancing me from Allah. It was when I have allowed myself to be vulnerable with Allah that I’ve felt lighter, that my heart felt less burdened and my worries became miniscule.

During the reflection session in my Khatam group yesterday, one of the sisters shared a statement she had heard from a scholar who said, “Allah does not need your poetry, He only wants your piety.” There was almost a sudden relief I felt upon hearing her words. Something about the way it was worded struck a chord with me. In essence, I don’t need to be perfect to come to Allah. Then the teacher added that “worship doesn’t need to be perfect, it needs to be sincere.” While in Islam we’re encouraged to reach the state of ihsan (excellence) in our worship, we’re not expected to be perfect. There’s a difference between striving to be better or seeking excellence and being perfect or wanting to attain perfection. Perfection is Allah and reserved for Allah. Allah already told us that we are created weak and anxious [4:28; 70:19]. Thus who else then should I take my weakness and anxiety to if not the One who created me? And after creating me He provided me with the manual by which to live, in which I could find all solutions.

“O humanity! Indeed, there has come to you a warning from your Lord, a cure for what is in the hearts, a guide, and a mercy for the believers.”[10:57]

“Say, 'O Prophet, "In Allah's grace and mercy let them rejoice. That is far better than whatever "wealth' they amass."[10:58]

In the Qur’an is a cure for whatever is in my heart, a guide for how to exist in this depraved world and a mercy. A mercy and grace from Allah that Allah tells me to rejoice in. Why then would I deprive myself of it through feeling like I can’t come to Allah as I am? He reminds me of His capabilities constantly, why then would I not race to Him ﷻ? It is clear that He knows what I don’t and what I do need to know He provide me the knowledge then gives me provision and sustenance [11:1-4]. Allah already knows who I am, what’s in my heart, what I need and what worries me. All of that is in his perfect Knowledge [11:6]. So then what’s stopping me from going to Him with what He already has knowledge of.

And in my first Ramadan Intensive class with TVA Institute today, Auntie Angelica reminded me again of the concept of Allah centered self-love which is that “my existence is already validated by the love, grace and mercy of Allah.” In other words I am enough just by the fact that Allah created me and as such I can come to Him despite whatever state I find myself and His doors will always be open. What Allah requires of me is not perfection but “himma” - to endeavor, to make an effort to know Him, to please Him and to gain closeness to Him.

Ya Rahman, Ya Rahim, use the Qur’an to cure and heal my heart. Use it to guide me and Ya Rabb allow it’s mercy to settle in my heart. O Allah, Your promise is true. Do not leave me to myself even for the blink of an eye. Ya Rahman allow me to remember in my moment of dejection, that I can rejoice in your Grace and Mercy, that what You want is to lighten my burden and to grant me ease for You are Al-Hakim, Al-Khabir (The All-Wise, All-Aware).

With Love, Ibtisam